What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What do you mean son?

My girlfriend lied and said she never gave oral until me. She was very skilled. I’m upset with her lying. Do I dump her?

True - how I loved my mum!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve heard pretending to be asleep?

What! how could you do that?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Do you know what she said mum?

What does the Bible say about the Antichrist? How will we know when he arrives on the scene?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What baseball stories from the early days of the sport seem too bizarre to be true?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Does meth make women super horny like it does men?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.